Linguistic Analysis Gifts

"I detect an accent — one that's down on its luck and has had too much to drink."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Thru versus Through Traffic

Torturing the English Language

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

Punctuation Police

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'The Questioner'

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"It's a play on words."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

"I've just invented the question mark."

'I'm afraid it wouldn't work out, Kevin. You say 'data is' and I say 'data are'.'

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

His Hers Pers Vis Xyrs Hirs TBD

'Take me to you lieder.'

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

Future Tents

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

'Ever since we invented the past tense, she brings the past up all the time!'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

"Spelt udon or no udon!"