Lightning Dodger Gifts

IT was at times like this George was glad he had a fibreglass rod, as opposed to one made from carbon fibre!

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

While you were out...

A genie helps a man fold laundry.

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

Sleeping through new year celebrations

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Do you mind? Look what you made me do!"

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

"Are you listening to me?"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

Why men hate shopping.

Lucky Break

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'Looks like rain. I'm finishing for the day!'

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

"You're the therapist - you make it go away."

"Now that the person chewing gum so loudly has finally stopped, perhaps we can all pay attention to what I'm doing here."

'Phone-b-gone, gets rid of unwanted phones.'

'I don't want to read 'Great Books'. Too much pressure.'

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Quick Stephen Fry's not on.'

"Can't we just this once, for God's sake, stay on topic?"

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'