Lighthearted Fitness Folk Gifts

We're thinking about taking a dance class. You two should join us. How about square dancing? Not with this physique. You can't stick a round body into a square dance. Maybe salsa dancing? No, whenever I do anything with salsa I get a big mess. Ballet is also on our list. That's absurd. I'll tiptoe around that idea. And there's belly dancing! No, thanks, I get plenty of belly dancing every time I go up or down the stairs.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Much like my hairline and waistline, our numbers are trending in the wrong direction.'

'Your request for a company vehicle has been approved, however, it's not the Cadillac you wanted. Since you need the exercise, you're getting a skateboard.'

"Wanna go scroll on our phones at the gym?"

1) Daddy Long Legs 2) Daddy Large Pituitary.

Stationary mountain bike.

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

"We don't have a gym, Collins. The best I can do is let you do jumping jacks in the supply closet."

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

Muscle Music.

'I'm in here, dear, getting into shape for walking the floor with our new baby when it cries.'

Health Club: For Regular People

Aquarobics.

Reasons to avoid training no.236 - A leaf on the path.

'The deceased was a member of their running club.'

Fast food

'That's all the runners except one. ... We'd better go check on him.'

"You need some low-impact exercise. I suggest deleting all the spam I get as it comes in for the next month."

"You DO know that 'Active Retirement' is an oxymoron."

'Remember, you said if you could eat all the Thanksgiving dinner you wanted, you would jog for three hours.'

'I hate when I'm on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button and I have to get off & eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.'

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

Ok, ok, if that's what you need to meet your daily goal, we can do 21 paces instead.

"That's no double chin — that's a snowball!"

New Years Resolution.

"Oddly enough, It was swimming that hurt my back."

'Don't be afraid to crowd the plate.'

'Inside of me is a skinny person urging me to join a gym. That's when I sedate her with a slice of chocolate pie.'

Man denies seeing two men when he is asked.

No reaching for another beer is not a yoga pose, Bob.

"This is the new 'fitness laptop.' It's so large, dragging it around is a great workout."

Boxer

"I missed my hour on the steep machine. The escalator to the gym was broken."

No admittance or cellulite.