Lighthearted Advice Seekers Pillows

'You have mild depression -- I'm writing you a prescription for lunch at 'Hooters.''

At the 2021 Religious Games

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Shoe repair

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

COVID tips from Wild Animals

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Jesus the comedian.

Every morning, the 'who's gonna be first?' cold seat standoff.

"Life's too short to be taken seriously..."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"So the next time you see the girl you wish to impress, just be yourself. Fulfillment comes when you know who you truly are and where you want to go in life. Thanks for calling Tia Carmen's psychic hotline!"

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.