Lighthearted Advice Seekers T-Shirts

'You have mild depression -- I'm writing you a prescription for lunch at 'Hooters.''

At the 2021 Religious Games

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

Shoe repair

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

'I had multiple personalities.'

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Jesus the comedian.

'As far as I'm concerned...mathematics is a load of rubbish.'

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

Every morning, the 'who's gonna be first?' cold seat standoff.

"Life's too short to be taken seriously..."

I think you've eaten enough fireflies, Ed.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

I don't let my conscience be my guide, I consider it more of a wingman.

"So the next time you see the girl you wish to impress, just be yourself. Fulfillment comes when you know who you truly are and where you want to go in life. Thanks for calling Tia Carmen's psychic hotline!"