Light-hearted Realist Pillows

Eight nights of excuses

'There's light at the end of the tunnel.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

Rural Cityscape

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Success Without Effort

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

Japanese disaster

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"When people talk about a 'staycation' this isn't what they mean!"

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

'It's a midlife crisis - he doesn't know anyone with a vacation home that he can mooch off.'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'