Lift Attendant Gifts

"How many times I got to ask you to go easy on the stops?"

'Okay folks, this is as high as we go.'

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Airport Security.

Fight or Flight

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

"Would you like some wings?"

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

The World Wide Web.

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Child on an airplane wearing a shirt with a switch that says "Airplane mode"

The World's Easiest Airport

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

A private jet takes off

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

Employee of the Month Parking

'At this time, we would like to call those passengers who feel compelled to board before their row numbers are announced.'

'Flight simulator'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Vaccination Passport

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Folks, if you look out of your window at those clouds below, you'll have a nice view of the Grateful Dead dancing bears."