Flight Attendants Gifts

"Is this going to be a full flight?"

"Sir, did you order the 'special meal'?"

"And in the event of the service charge taking your breath away, an oxygen mask will drop..."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

He Keeps Touching Me.

'Ladies and gentlemen, the seat belt sign has been turned off - Ding! I mean on - Ding! Oops, there it goes off again - Ding! no wait, now it's on - Ding! Ok, I think it's off again - Ding! Nope, now it's back on - Ding! Ding!'

'Off...? So...then the legends are ture!'

Crew Quiet Rooms

"He keeps touching me!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be coming through with a beverage service, but only about ten feet worth, unless someone has an extension cord."

Angel nightmares

"Every 3000 miles we're entitled to get a tummy rub. Don't forget that we're flight attendant union members!"

US bans laptops and mobiles on planes

Airport Security.

"We find the defendants guilty on the charges of missed connections, separated seats, crying babies, bad weather, turbulence and running out of chicken."

"Hey guys, it's me, Rob! Remember, we flew together yesterday."

"Does Bev always pack her own food?"

"Wanda, you're a month early for your appointment...again."

'This is the coldest December 24 on record so we should watch for stowaways going south.'

'At least you won't complain about not having enough leg-room...'

A passenger presses the service button upon seeing fish outside his window.

Hands off the flight attendant.

'I'm sorry, but everyone knows chooks can't fly.'

'This isn't an extraordinary rendition flight, it's a budget airline.'

Now Arriving

Galley Plane.

Step one...try to relax.

The aviation experts come out to play

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Would you like some wings?"

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'