Life Excavators Gifts

How Gary got his groove back.

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

"Did you get my tweet?"

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

"Yeah, that's right. I'm the sandman. Where did you think I was getting my sand all these years?"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

"Great, now we're lost."

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"I'm afraid this whole experiment is about to go south."

'I thought this was supposed to be clean fill dirt!'

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

"I started out with a molehill, then I just kept going."

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. That's a relief! How much can they expect out of your on your first day?

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

'I'm not sure about the new bone specialist.'

Shark's Scuba Mask.

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

Danger Quicksand

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"I love talking to you about my problems. We should do a podcast."

'Oversensitive Car Alarm'

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

How?

'Please tell me there's more to this than this.'

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

The only time you are actually too old to follow your dreams.

'Go ahead and dig, you said! what are the odds there's a pipe right there, you said!'

"The latest version of your life is now available to download."