Life Commentators Pillows

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

My brilliant career

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

Take a pill so you won't be one.

Our Troubled Chowders

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'

"Yeah, work is tough, but nothing compared to coming home and stepping on one of the kids' legos."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

Renaissance Zone

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

Title Page for 'Mrs Grundy'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."