Lifestyle Commentator Pillows

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'I told my wife I'd give e-cigarettes a try, but I drew the line on e-beer.'

Renaissance Zone

"No, he hasn't lost weight. It's the size he expects to be in next year."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"You are still here."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Goodnight Social Media.

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Our Troubled Chowders

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"I detect an accent – money?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

"It was a gift from god."

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."