Life Choices Analyst Gifts

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

"Discovering that the light at the end of the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

"You've made me very happy, but now I want to be miserable again."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Call me?"

Crap from the future.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

YOLO vs YODO

Modern Life Blues

"Very funny."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"I think I'm ready to go forth and multiply."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

"He looks so natural."

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Essential Oils/Forbidden Fruit.

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

"He quit his job to pursue his dreams."

"Can I overwhelm you with a menu?"

"Pop-up prison."

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."

Vending machine offers tea and sympathy

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

"I hope this isn't meant to be a criticism of our current life style."

Your Best Years/Your Uncertain Future

"The tea leaves say you should go into insurance, but I say forget the tea leaves and go into whatever makes you happy."

"So, what inspired you to study engineering, get married, find a job, move to the suburbs, have a couple of kids, and grow old?"

"Uh-oh this is going to be a tough one."