Life Choice Analyst Gifts

But is it all worth it?

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Call me?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Crap from the future.

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

YOLO vs YODO

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Modern Life Blues

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"If you're ever granted three wishes, don't blow them all on a giant body with tiny arms legs."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Very funny."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

"I think I'm ready to go forth and multiply."

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"Honey, I'm home."

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"He looks so natural."

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Essential Oils/Forbidden Fruit.

"He quit his job to pursue his dreams."

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

"Can I overwhelm you with a menu?"

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."

"Pop-up prison."

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'