Library Larrikin Gifts

Crime section.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"Meet the scribe"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Gen-Next Library

Paranormal A-Z...

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

'And the cat is due back in 2 weeks.'

Another Bigfoot sighting...

"Author does not do tricks."

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

Myths and legends...

The Lessons of VietnamThe Lessons of Iran and ContraThe Lessons of Iraq.

Kid to boy in library: 'Oh, we came at the busiest part of the day ... it's a reading frenzy.'

'I know it's overdue but I've been in Intensive Care.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'Have you got the book 'After the end of the world'?'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

LIBRARY, 'Sorry, Mr. Wimble -- you've had just about enough Kafka for one day.'

"I'm after the history section."

Book: 'From prey to predator in 30 days.'

Bug reading book has antennae that are lights.