Lesson Planning Gifts

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

'Your student Clara has tested as Talented and Gifted. But only in metal sculpting. You'll need to start incorporating metal sculpting into your daily lesson plans starting...tomorrow.'

Fortune teller to lady: 'The world around you is all abuzz and there you are - lesson planning for years to come.'

A Puppet Named Juan

'You might not know it now but I used to have some great lesson plans.'

'I think I use the Internet too much. I find myself writing 'com' after each period.'

'The reason the core curriculum seems so ambiguous is that we dot really have a core curriculum.'

Teacher's Work Room: Error - Lesson has no aim.

"Looks like we found the issue."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"We only got six days of funding."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

Worry tank

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"I'm busy this afternoon, but I can crayon you in for Saturday."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

When Engineers Crack.