Lemons And Laughs Pillows

"Please visit our website and tell us about your experience with this sale. You can win a gift card good for a free glass of lemonade."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

Office Policy: Never Have More Than One Clown On A Team.

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'Right, now learn this trick...'

"Of course you still make me laugh, just not out loud."

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

A field goal kicker kicks his teamate instead of the ball through the goal posts.

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

'You've definitely mastered it, Richard, but not every song is appropriate for the chicken dance.'

'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

"It's weeder's elbow."

"You said to hire a face painter and I did! Bill is a mortician!"

Apparently, there are manuals, and then there are MANUALS.

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

Please Wash Feet Before Returning To Work

The Terror Of Folkenstein

'I can't believe we do this for a living.'

"I haven't written anything yet, but I'm looking for someone to ghostwrite my book 'how to delegate.'"

Golf cheerleaders.

"See anyone who tickles your ivories?"

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

"How's the self defense classes going?"

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'