Food Laughter Pillows

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"States of tofu"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Lockdown casserole

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"My guess it's guacamole."

Better Not Squash.

Deliboys

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

Murderous Chef

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Stay at home food pyramid