Culinary Chuckles Pillows

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'The Burrito King.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

A Club Sandwitch.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"I might just get a pie."

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Carpe pizza"

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."