Culinary Antics Pillows

'Keep complaining about my meals and you can fry your own salad!'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'How is the water prepared?'

Chef copy robot

All-Day Breakfast

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Carpe pizza"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Chef De Party.

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

'Gary freaked out a bit and went way off the griddle.'

'YAY! PATE!'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Todays special - egg on Ronay'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Rare, medium or well done?"

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."