Gourmet Chuckles Pillows

"So you hired them to do the tidying up?"

"I might just get a pie."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"I like my steak well done."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

The mushroom pickers

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

"Leave room for sex."

'Nice Touch!'

"Some volcano roll!"

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'Uh-Oh... I better watch my legs! There comes a cook - o - dile!'

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

Holy Pizza

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

"My bouche was not amused."

Christmas canape?

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."