Gourmet Chuckles Pillows

"So you hired them to do the tidying up?"

"I might just get a pie."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"I like my steak well done."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Just a heads-up, the Mushroom and Crab Risotto doesn't like its photo taken."

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

The mushroom pickers

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"Leave room for sex."

'Uh-Oh... I better watch my legs! There comes a cook - o - dile!'

'I add the juice of one bottle of brandy.'

"This artificial flavouring doesn't taste like artificial flavouring."

"Some volcano roll!"

'Nice Touch!'

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

"If you tasted like a Umami, where would you be hiding?"

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

Holy Pizza

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

'Waiter? You're in my soup!'

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

Christmas canape?

"Filet Mignon, medium irradiated."

"I no longer have the intestinal fortitude for street food."

"My bouche was not amused."