Foodie Laugh Seeker Pillows

"I'm literally naked about to be hacked to bits and *you're* crying!?!"

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Lockdown casserole

Better Not Squash.

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

Murderous Chef

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

Ranch Dressing

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'He's cured.'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

"Our special today? Hot wings!!"

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"