Legislative Process Gifts

Congress Some Assembly Required

Trial by Media

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Quality Control

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

Sue The Bastards

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

Can't Vote/Why Vote?

Who Let the Dawg In?

Worthless B*****ds

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'