Parliamentary Procedure Gifts

I didn't know there WAS a Mrs. Speaker....

Trial by Media

Quality Control

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Sue The Bastards

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'