Legalistic Lovers Pillows

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

Stop and Birch

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

Intellectual Property

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"They're class action figures."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

'It's a treasure map.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Upholding the Law