Legal Schemer Gifts

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

The Tax Loophole

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

"Do you call this a business plan?"

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"It's a setup."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"Just take the free kick, and stop wasting time."

"Boss, there's a rumor going around that someone lost a $1,000 bill in the cafe. There are like 200 people out there." "Interesting. And I assume they're all looking for the $1,000 bill. I assume they don't want anyone else to know about it before they find it." "I assume each of them is buying our food and drink so the others won't suspect they're here with ulterior motives." "I wonder who could have possibly spread such a rumor in the first place?" "Very bad man."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."