Secret Schemer Gifts

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

Will you help me hide my wretchedly excessive bonus money in my garden? I could. Tree's Trees. But you don't need me to bury money. Not bury it. I want new walls, flowerbeds, trees and water features. A. Hidden in plain sight. Voila!

'He tells his missus he only pops in here for a little piece and quiet!'

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Here's the game plan going forward. We acknowledge any and all 'mistakes,' then fake fixing them.'

Clandestine cows.

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"I've made myself a success through a combination of long-term planning and short term tantrums."

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'Things look much better long-term, once we pass the statute of limitations.'

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Do you want to be red Tory or blue Labour?'

"It's a setup."

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

"We're fighting them in zone A, they're our allies in zone B, and we don't know what to do in zone C."

"We love your results. We're just a weeny bit concerned about your methods."

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

Valentine Comix

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"