Legal Recognition Humorist Gifts

"What's the point of being your sidekick if the courts won't recognize it?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Loopholes

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

Justice

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."