Legal Punster Gifts

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"It's finally happened. They've sued the pants off me!"

"We wuz robed!"

"I find in favour of Aggie's Day Care. Defendant is ordered to sit in the corner for one hour."

British savings accounts

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Dogs life

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

"White Collar Prison"

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.