Legal Interest Gifts

Transcendental Litigation

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Bailiff."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Is that guy back again? Hey, if you find that sponge I lost, give a shout.'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Justice

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Yuo were wise to get a second opinion. Now we can sue both doctors.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."