Legal Eagle With A Taste Gifts

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"White Collar Prison"

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

Judge getting hair done.

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think its being tapped.'

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

QC appointments fall to all time low.

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

Employee help

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

"My specialty is tangled webs."

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"On advice of counsel...do not order the prime rib well done."

Pick A Lawyer

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'