Legal Eagle With A Taste Pillows

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"White Collar Prison"

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'I think its being tapped.'

Judge getting hair done.

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

QC appointments fall to all time low.

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

"On advice of counsel...do not order the prime rib well done."

"My specialty is tangled webs."

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

Pick A Lawyer

Employee help

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"