Legal Eagle With A Laugh Pillows

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

L.A. Law

Attorney-at-play

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

Lawyer Xing

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

Computer Aided Divorce.

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

The attorney's Blue-Plate special: Red Snapper, embroiled in a hot legal dispute.

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."

"My client is completely rehabilitated, Your Honor, in a grabass sort of way."

'What an evening! I could have sued all night!'

Player Status.

"Before I hand in my, 'What I did over the weekend' report, I want to be granted full immunity."