Legal Eagle With A Laugh Gifts

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

L.A. Law

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

Attorney-at-play

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

Lawyer Xing

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Computer Aided Divorce.

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

Player Status.

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."

The attorney's Blue-Plate special: Red Snapper, embroiled in a hot legal dispute.

'What an evening! I could have sued all night!'

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'