Legal_eagle_laughter Gifts

Homework due. I didn't turn in my homeword because I haven't copyrighted it yet!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"White Collar Prison"

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I think its being tapped.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"First, admit no harm."

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

Lawyer Xing

Judge Duels

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

Barrister defending a criminal

IRS, 'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

Computer Aided Divorce.

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

Shoot, he's got a restraining order!

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.