Legal Eagle's Daily Laugh Gifts

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"White Collar Prison"

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I think its being tapped.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"...And now show us what you said."