Legal Eagle's Daily Laugh Gifts

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"White Collar Prison"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.