Legal Eagle Humorist Gifts

'Can you believe it? I wake her up after 100 years and Sleeping Beauty slaps me with a sexual harassment suit!'

"Before I hand in my, 'What I did over the weekend' report, I want to be granted full immunity."

"Good boy."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"HR-bill 9495. Cutting down non-profits."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Neo-International Law

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

I love Lawyers

"We won!"