Legal Eagle Chuckles Gifts

"White Collar Prison"

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think its being tapped.'

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

L.A. Law

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

Attorney-at-play

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

Lawyer Xing

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

Computer Aided Divorce.

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

IRS, 'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'

The attorney's Blue-Plate special: Red Snapper, embroiled in a hot legal dispute.

Shoot, he's got a restraining order!

I think you need to recuse yourself from this trial, your honor. I plan to flirt with this witness, and you're much too handsome to compete with.

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."

'What an evening! I could have sued all night!'

Player Status.

"My client is completely rehabilitated, Your Honor, in a grabass sort of way."

'Can you believe it? I wake her up after 100 years and Sleeping Beauty slaps me with a sexual harassment suit!'