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'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"White Collar Prison"

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think its being tapped.'

"First, admit no harm."

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

Lawyer Xing

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Judge Duels

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

Barrister defending a criminal

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

IRS, 'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

Computer Aided Divorce.

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'I would like to thank the photo radar company for their fourth quarter presentation.'