Legal Eagle With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

"Do you know why they call me 'The crazy Judge', Mr. Hanson?"

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

Computer Aided Divorce.

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

Lawyer Xing

Due Diligence Man

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

Player Status.

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."

'What an evening! I could have sued all night!'

The attorney's Blue-Plate special: Red Snapper, embroiled in a hot legal dispute.

"My client is completely rehabilitated, Your Honor, in a grabass sort of way."