Legal Eagle With A Taste For Dining Pillows

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think its being tapped.'

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

Judge getting hair done.

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

"And should you retain us, Mr. Hodal, you'll find that we're more than just a law firm."

L.A. Law

Attorney-at-play

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

"On advice of counsel...do not order the prime rib well done."

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Computer Aided Divorce.

delivering lawyers from the Harvard Law School

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'

"I made my lawyer, best man. That way he can make sure I don't get too generous with my vows."

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"