Legal Eagle With A Taste For Dining T-Shirts

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge getting hair done.

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

'I think its being tapped.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

"And should you retain us, Mr. Hodal, you'll find that we're more than just a law firm."

L.A. Law

Attorney-at-play

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"On advice of counsel...do not order the prime rib well done."

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

Computer Aided Divorce.

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'

"I made my lawyer, best man. That way he can make sure I don't get too generous with my vows."

delivering lawyers from the Harvard Law School

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm