Legal Eagle With A Plot Twist T-Shirts

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

Lawyer Xing

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

Due Diligence Man

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

delivering lawyers from the Harvard Law School

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Computer Aided Divorce.

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."