Thrill-seeking Legal Eagle Gifts

Extreme Lawyering

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

Dance of the sugar plum tax attorneys.

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

Judge getting hair done.

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

'I think its being tapped.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

Audiovisual law

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

L.A. Law

Laws and mobile technology

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

Attorney-at-play

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

Computer questionning a witness.

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

Computer Aided Divorce.

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'