Legal Eagle With A Twist Gifts

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, Sir, you're still going to jail today.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'You have the right to remain silent. You also have the right to play with the siren in my squad car, but I'm not suppose to tell you that.'

"Your honor, allow me to introduce Fluffy Pants, my support cat."

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'I think its being tapped.'

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

Judge getting hair done.

Clive Anderson

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If things go well here, I'm going to open up my own firm."

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"The Attorney's Lunch—may I hear the warranty again?"

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

Due Diligence Man

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'

'In layman's terms. . . .'

Computer Aided Divorce.

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

"Please, just give the boy his pocket money!"