Legal Eagle With A Funny Bone Gifts

"Who's up for archery waivers?"

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

Clive Anderson

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"I'm not sure...I think the animals have been acting differently since we started feeding them that genetically modified stuff!"

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If things go well here, I'm going to open up my own firm."

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

Lawyer Xing

Due Diligence Man

"Seriously? You refuse to answer based on the fifteenth amendment?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

"Your honor, we find the defendant quilty on all counts."

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Computer Aided Divorce.