Legal Age Humor Gifts

'I don't like to carry ID.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'I'd say you're a little late...'

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

Baby's first words.

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

Law of the Jungle: Tarzan the Litigation Man.

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Dang.'

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

'I don't know which will come first.. retirement or draft?'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

Pregnant vs. Old.

New Attorney.

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Humans age the same way we do, every year is equal to seven years. I know this because Timmy has had a family birthday party, an extended family birthday party, a friend birthday party...

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

Rodin's Generation Gap

'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'

'Uh oh! I don't like the looks of that jury.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.