Age Humorist Gifts

"I'm sorry, but he only has 75 years to live!"

"Men Don's age are back in style."

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

'I don't know which will come first.. retirement or draft?'

'Aaaaaaaaaah forty seven. What a lovely age.'

"Gosh Grandma, you must be over a million in dog years."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"800 years old?!! - Gosh... you must be feeling very 'long-in-the tooth."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'Ageism at work'

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

We offer no healthcare benefts but offer several fringes benefits.

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.