Lecture Jokers Gifts

World Religions 101. Today's lecture is about minor denominations --- Stop calling it "sects education"!

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

it's back to school time, Frank. I think I have everything I need. I have a new backpack, pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks and, of course, a mask. We don't need those anymore. Speak for yourself. Zzzzzzz.

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"This year, I'm starting school with a positive attitude! You have my word...I'm waiting till the second week of school to call it the worst year of my life."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"Aw, Miss! Why do you always pick on me to answer the questions?"

'What's our exit strategy?'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

'You got everyfink Bruv? Stink bombs, pea shooter, dead frogs . . .'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."