Lecture Jokers Pillows

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'Sorry mum, I had a brain freeze during the test...'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'A boy at school was named after his father. They've called him Dad.'

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

Student writing on blackboard - I will not egg the principal's car.

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

'You got everyfink Bruv? Stink bombs, pea shooter, dead frogs . . .'

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"This year, I'm starting school with a positive attitude! You have my word...I'm waiting till the second week of school to call it the worst year of my life."

'What's our exit strategy?'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"