Lecture Dodger Gifts

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Any yet he's always on my case."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

"Do I get to lawyer up before I see the Principal?"

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

'Sorry, I can't talk now, Mr. Harris, I'm texting right now! I'll take whatever punishment you want to give me.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."